Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Defective Birds

It is our policy to replace "defective birds" so long as we actually see the critter corpses.  A certain sick fiend placed his defectives in a sandwich bag, and brought that sweaty thing in.

Some of the experiences I have had with customers have been quite strange, almost as if they think Farmville is real--even the Amish and Mennonites.  I could spend all day telling you stories, but a few stick out.

One guy called and cried about how all his chicks died, and after spending a few minutes narrowing down causes it was determined that he placed chick grit in the feed container instead of actual feed.  He was informed to his great horror that all the chicks starved to death.

There are several people who think they can get by with feeding their birds scratch grain or corn, which is at least better than giving them stones--although the grit helps them digest food--but my favorite story is the guy who fed his birds potato chips.  At least they survived.

One time an Amish guy came in and complained that all his Cornish Rocks died, somewhere around 50 of them.  We kept scratching our heads because it sounded like he did everything right.  We replaced all the birds, and as he was about to walk out the door he turned around and asked whether he should raise these birds in the same spot as last year since the last batch died from some disease.  Yeah, dude, pretty sure there's a verse in Deuteronomy about removing diseased soil from the camp...

Another Amish guy wanted to replace his birds because they all died from the cold.  The weather was fairly warm but there was a cold snap, and this particular sect doesn't believe in heat lamps.  They placed one of those old warm water bottles in the brood box.  Obviously it didn't work.


Ryu said...

Ha. So you ask to see the corpse then. You guys don't copy Soylent Green and feed the dead to the living, do you?

Doomfinger said...

No, but we amuse ourselves by telling customers we send the corpses to KFC.